Gratitude Elevates

 Dear Soul ...

Today I want to share my gratitude for you. Gratitude is not just a platitude, it is a sense of readiness to appreciate all that you have.  A way of being that brings JOYFUL PURPOSE.  I love this BE attitude, because of the valuable energy it gives.

I am grateful for the strength and courage you display even when life feel uncertain. 

I am grateful how you bare yourself freely, without reservation being true to who you are.  It brings joy to know that you willing choose everyday to live into you.

I am grateful that you have done hard things, the kind of hard things that tested your mettle early so that when those arrows showed up later in life you had been prepared beforehand.

I am grateful for your abundance of faith in God.

I am grateful for how you are willing to learn and have gratitude for your life lessons.

I am grateful for your patience in teaching your daughter how to see her ability

I am grateful for how you strive to move past your fears, so you can see your real capacity under the soot.

I am grateful for your courage to be vulnerable

There is a sense of gratitude for who you are becoming and are, grounded in a sure place with strong roots of soul principles like kindness, patience, compassion, acceptance, understanding, unconditional love and forgiveness.  Each of these I see you strive to remember daily for yourself and those around you.

With Love and Light

ME xx

 P. S.  When life gets dark and gloomy give thanks a go - write down with real intent things and experiences that you are grateful for and watch your mood and energy change. With practice your attitude of gratitude will grow and so will your vibrations.

Picture Credits:

Did you Know Gratitude - Mind Movies

Gratitude Changes Everything - Forbes Magazine

https://www.forbes.com/sites/janicemarturano/2023/06/14/how-can-a-simple-2-step-mindful-gratitude-practice-change-my-life/?sh=623f612611bf

I am Grateful For:

https://www.namidanecounty.org/blog/2020/4/14/how-to-start-a-gratitude-journal

Responding

Dear Soul ...

Today has been a different day. Amidst day-to-day life and work a discovery of music, learning and self-understanding,  and parenting challenges with my daughter who has special circumstances and needs extra help, love, and support showed up. As these words are being typed, there is a realization that the day is much the same as usual, only my response to changes and challenges is different. Response rather than reaction. What is the difference?

The difference being – a reaction is emotionally based and is grown from past hard experiences we grew into behaviorally, not necessarily of our choosing, to survive the ugly or that we saw what we went through was normal. Conditioned behavior based on circumstances and environment. It is like learning what is hot or cold. We know that rats, monkey’s, and dogs can be trained to have conditioned responses – like Pavlov’s dog. We do the same through our own encounters,  learn from those that teach us, and from what we see. Like sponges we soak it up and parts of our sponges are darkened by what we suffer through.

Decisions can be made once we have an awareness to change how we react, much respond. Reacting is a catalyst like a chemical explosion. We gain self -understanding when we ask ourselves the right questions – why do I cry? why am I afraid, what do I seek and want? Who am I? Where am I in my life cycle? How can I change what I do? Sometimes we may not know the answers to these questions and need to seek answers from other sources. For some it may mean making some serious decisions about who does not get to remain in their lives due to toxicity, while others are faced with less complicated choices. Choices determine how we show up in any given situation.

What I am about to say may not make any sense, however for me it did as I searched. I wanted to learn to respond from a place  that comes from an honest heart, which was willing to change. I knew the benefits of change would enable that flicker of a flame within me to grow rather than allowing something or someone to snuff it out. Truthfully, I didn’t want to continue to snuff out my light and just let it smolder amongst ashes of the hurt anymore. Hurt begins to tell on you inside your body and if having cancer was an indicator, well you know the rest of that thought – toxic.

It was important that I found a greater purpose within myself and accept that healing was part of my journey at every stage of life  no matter how young or old I was. No longer did I want that inner turmoil to bubble up like a tornado or volcano. I am more than my hurt and I have always known that. Experience refines us not defines us. Our identity is not our scars. Our scars are our gifts of greater love and learning. Who I was becoming and would become as I spent time nurturing myself was no longer negotiable on any terms, not even for myself.

To have love, light and personal empowerment takes giving yourself those nurturing gifts, including celebrating monumental achievements. The latter is something that I am working on and that was realized today in a session with my therapist.

You see my state of mind during these last ten to twelve months of treatment have added new insights - a risk for depression due to the biological hormone changes because of the 5-year pill – hormone blockers that lower estrogen levels. Early signals, familiar emotional changes akin to being pregnant were the red flags. Crying at a drop of a hat, moody, agitated, out of sorts, sad and for me at times depressed.

Again how do I want to respond or react to these life changes – to nurture myself soul heart and mind is my response. Sourcing new information and enlightenment provided a channel to govern transformation. I felt certain this method would create new undiscovered discernments and my intuition was right.

Can you see how we respond rather than react makes all the difference? We get clarity by responding whereas reacting leaves  us stuck in the quagmire of our past behaviors and hurts that will surface as we experience life. I have found a safe space within me to build upon myself with love, peace, and calm.

As I close out this post today, I want to keep my commitment to myself and to my therapist and nurture within me a greater capacity to celebrate a huge achievement which will remain that way throughout my life. 

With fresh courage, with all I have and a deep breath, this soul centered woman, ME, got vulnerable and shared part of her life story in a  chapter for the Imperfectly Perfect Campaign Volume 1 book  – The stories you have been waiting to hear. This is the inaugural first volume with twenty-one authors, celebrities and everyday people who have overcome life challenges, including mental health diagnosis. An anthology of inspiring stories you will want to read.

I must say that I am blown away, considering what I was going through at the time – recovering from cancer treatment that I mustered all my courage to say Yes. I was determined not to give up and through it all I owned every word I typed. Before you say it, yes this is a little free advertising and why not, the rule of engagement is that I beat to the rhythm of my own drum and algorithm. Afterall it’s a once in a lifetime celebration for me. 

Let me celebrate Rapunzel style - I DID IT – I GOT OUT OF THE TOWER AND I CONTRIBUTED AS A CO AUTHER IN A BOOK. NO MOTHER GOTHEL ( THE NAY SAYERS AND THOSE THAT WANT TO KEEP ME SMALL).

It was me breathing in life and choosing to thrive. Throughout today I chose to respond in a way that my soul languages were present, - I found that sharing a little more love, being patient, showing understanding and forgiveness followed by kindness created harmony within myself and those I interacted with.

I encourage to you think before you react.  Think about how your reaction or response will affect others.  Find space that brings harmony to your life and those that surround you. Responding is easier on your soul than reaction. Remember your energy is precious, don’t give it away to those who are not kind to it. Keep being brilliantly you because there is no other version in all the universe quite like you or will there ever be. You get to live life fully your way.

 

P. S.

Here are the links to pre-order a copy of the Imperfectly Perfect Campaign Book.

Imperfectly Perfect Campaign: The Stories You Have Been Waiting To Hear by Glenn Marsden, Paperback | Barnes & Noble® (barnesandnoble.com)

 Imperfectly Perfect Campaign: The Stories You Have Been Waiting To Hear (Paperback) - Walmart.com

 

The Burning Questions

 Dear Soul ...

When change arrives in your life in a dramatic way it is hard to discern direction to go and what to feel. In those intense moments we are more likely to react rather than respond. I can recall many a time where my emotions have driven my reaction in situations that were emotionally volatile, and circumstances were laden with heaviness.

Over the years and certainly in more recent times, I have found writing and art to be a catalyst to get me through. Secondly, it has been seeking words, understanding through inspiring words or others in social media discerned at an intuitive level and books. One of those books that has been a source to change my mindset and thinking was "Change your Questions Change your Life", by Wendy Watson Nelson. Even the title brings a sense of thriving and hope.

There is a statement in the book:

"Questions can bring remarkable healing in undeniable ways. They can bring hope."

I believe this to be true. I found the more questions I asked myself, even without answering, I got to the root of what was buried deep within me. Let me share my writing from February 26th, 2022, while in the midst of chemo.

"Staring me in the face is the raw truth of being diagnosed with cancer and yet all I can see today is not my cancer but how I have lived my life. and how have I touched the life of another. I was reminded of what I learned in college - to paraphrase.

How have I lived a meaningful life - not for myself but for others?

To be more succinct and exacting. Have I learned to have a life of meaning? This brings to mind three important questions.

                    1.    Have I contributed something meaningful?

                    2.    Am I a good person?

                    3.    Who did I love and who loved me?

                    4.    How have I contributed to the lives of others for good?

                    5.    What legacy am I leaving behind? Is it about things or people?

These were deep and meaningful questions and that brought a thought process that was a culmination of seeing the essence of my mortality pass before me and what had I done with life. Let me get back to the conversation I had with myself in the format of the written word.

"I would hope that my life is moving in a meaningful direction, having touched the lives of many that after my lifetimes are gone would say ... Michelle Lange, Michelle Harwood was a light, had influence, loved unconditionally, inspired,  loved life fiercely and helped man. That she lived life fully and it showed even in the worst of times.

It seems that the character of who we are is found in the words of impact another says of you. That is a lifetime legacy that when told lasts through generations. What story or even do you want to weave into the fabric of your life and the life of another?

 Will your story be retold and regaled in the pavilions of light, or will you stay stuck in the shadows where the vibrancy of life dares not touch you? Yes, there are shadows and winters in life but after the thaw and healing along that journey  there is always color, hope, love, and opportunity. We choose to put life on hold instead of celebrating it fully with all we have.

 In those precious moments we find a path back to the river of life - the joy in child’s laughter, a smile, a thank you, kindness, a hello, music, the warmth of the sun on your face. All bring a gift to kiss our soul gently to awaken us to the now of life.

Arise, celebrate, and embrace all you have. To  E M B R A C E is a commitment to live into:

E – Energy

M – Mindful Mindsight

B – Be Compassionate, Be Light

R – Resilience

A – Altitude of Gratitude

C – Channel Choice

E – Everyone Everyday

What I have learnt so far on this journey is to allow life to touch you. Meaning grieve the loss  knowing there are possibilities to get through the moment. You can shift from the experience with a sense of empowerment if and I add if you choose. That is the very key – You own and make the choice not to stay stuck and to when the emotions subside respond in a way that finds love, light, and learning. By allowing what you feel, your are readying yourself to accept the journey, the experience and love that process. To find love for your experience, the process, you arm and empower your very soul to seek divine illumination.”

In the remaining five pages of discovery these questions elicited, ( before you ask, we will get back to them on another day) you can see the right questions bring a multitude of new insights – treasures undiscovered but found with questions.

Writing gives me an opportunity to question what I know, ask questions, and connect to my higher self which in any difficult or treacherous journey in life, a spiritual alliance with a higher power demands it. We live in a world where daily we encounter negative energy, relentless attacks on our wellbeing, our livelihood to live a full and joyful life. Discerning my truths comes from asking questions, seeking inspiration, and listening intuitively for greater spiritual insights and strength.

Strength when coupled with faith and belief creates action. Action that builds my character to BECOME, to Be understanding, Be Compassionate, Be Forgiving – my BE ATTITUDES – soul languages that bring heartfelt questions if you listen for the whisper. 

When you ask yourself the right question, the perspective changes. Change means exploring differences which brings information. Information that you may not have seen before. As I write the last words may I challenge you to when you have important questions to seek answers to, be sure you are well rested, have eaten, feel supported, loved, and needed and have grounded your soul to positive energy. 

New Normal - Hello Gorgeous

Dear Soul ...

In today's world change happens quickly and with the rising cost of living, demands of our time and energy things are vastly different in comparison to our childhood. I grew up I feel in a simpler time where being a kid was just that. We had worries, but not to the degree this young generation has in 2024.

With that gap due to technology, socialized behaviors and changes in social expectations, and declining health both physical and mental adapting creates a new normal. Let me quantify normal – what you do , how you do life each and every day your way and when there is a disruption to that way of being, it is no longer the same, hence creating a new normal.

I have recovered from Stage Three Invasive Ductal Carcinoma – aka Breast Cancer and with that there were many new normal and adaptations to life. None is more prevalent and in the front of my mind as I write this blog. During my chemo treatment, I acquired a new normal – neuropathy in my hands and feet. This dis – ease creates sensations of glass shards in your fingers, numbness and burning in my feet and hands. The capacity to have strength in my hands has diminished significantly so therein adapting mentally and physically is needed. I cannot go back to my former self and only move forward.

In the forward motion there is a need to give yourself grace and love that there will be good days, hard days, and super challenging days with neuropathy  On the super challenging days I need walking assistance of a cane or a mobile chair at the grocery store. With grace and compassion, I could see that this was not a time to mentally beat myself up as to why I wasn’t physically like I used to be. The truth is in my now I could never go back, life has already taken place and although I have a physical limit, the spiritual and emotional growth far outweighs the discomfort.

Today more than ever, I realized as I experienced a limit that it was my turn to love and care for me in a way that put me first. :Putting myself first is not something I have been stellar at over the years. A short-term sacrifice for a long-term gain. A gain that is needed if I am to continue moving step by step through the stages of my breast cancer treatment.

Treatments that continue to test my mettle, my grit, my thriving. The pancake stacking of side effects takes courage to be vulnerable with yourself about. It is easy to pretend as if all is well when truthfully you are not. It does not ease the discomfort or give you greater energy to keep going if anything it masks and depletes your spiritual self. Having self-integrity means you don’t hide; you get honest and seek those in your inner circles who can help bear your burden, hold you up and keep you accountable to yourself.

 

As I sat today, fully aware of the effects of the pain medicine, still experiencing pain, I realized that there has to be a coping skill that thwarts the onslaught of long-term pain. As the zings propelled tears to my eyes and I felt totally overwhelmed, I looked up. A gentle smile moved across my face, and I saw the answer. A picture hung on the wall, and it simply said – Hello Gorgeous. 

Gorgeous – beautiful, attractive, pleasant, splendid, brilliant, and magnificent. I am me and have the potential to be and feel all those things amidst my greatest life challenge. I get to choose how to respond beautifully, with a splendid, pleasant brilliance. Think of those words – with splendid, pleasant brilliance. Every moment of the day we get to choose our responses and “Hello Gorgeous” was my antidote in small and simple things of the day when pain or medication side affects are present, things I cannot control, however my response to these things is entirely up to me.

The pain has subsided, the nausea ever present, and I am grateful for today where I got to see how I can assist hard things in becoming pleasant, gentle, and filled with my kind of brilliance. Here is the challenge for you, find ways to turn those frown moments upside down and inside out. Seek to find your splendid, pleasant, brilliant responses as you go throughout your day with gratitude on your heart.

The Shame Vs Guilt Conversation

 Dear Soul ...

In moments of doubt and fear I have found myself letting go of the very thing I need to connect with the most. On the heels of a new year, I have decided to do as I learnt many years ago to face the fear and do those things that cause discomfort. It has become clear over the years that I can do hard things and that hard things mean we get uncomfortable.

Uncomfortable with subject matter, encouraging vulnerability and being true to who I am are necessary ingredients. Certainly 57 years of life does account for something and that something is experience. 

Today's experience is about letting go of the conversations in my head that seer the words into my mind that I have nothing valuable to contribute and who do I think I am. 

Those words came from a place of shame rather than guilt. I love how during particularly difficult moments in my life those mind conversation demons show up.  Over the last 12months or more, my physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual energy has been depleted due to ongoing cancer treatments, I knew that there had to come a time when my very life breath needed me to understand how to heal and move through those conversations.

I am grateful for divine intervention in the fabric of my life that brought to me an explanation from Brene Brown about shame, vulnerability, and guilt. It was as if the windows of heaven opened up my mind and gave me a gust of fresh air. I felt like the Grinch where my soul grew two inches that day.

As I refresh my memory to gather my words in order to share my experience, my fingertips wander to google to see the words that lifted my soul. This is hard and I see myself as I write use avoidant behavior rather than get vulnerable. I said I would get you a Coke and gave you a Pepsi instead.

Okay here goes, as I revisited Brene's Ted Talks, listened intently to find those magical phrases, I found a greater truth. Don't you love how the universe throws you a curve ball in the middle of revisiting learning? Has that ever happened to you?

As I listened with my whole heart, the words found my soul again. I  choked back the tears; I realized today exactly where some damaging shame came from. My whole being was harrowed up in intense grief, an inner child aha moment. The flow of tears I could not, would not stop because this new learning is meant for me to get real and vulnerable about. A lifelong journey to heal that sweet child who at the drop of  five words at the age of nine, felt shame. Brene Brown  discusses shame in the following way:  

[...] "shame is really easily understood as the fear of disconnection: 

Is there something about me that, if other people know it or see it, 

that I won't be worthy of connection?"

This was the lifelong crucible of internal pain that ignited me soul, heart, and mind. Those words told me there was something about me that I was not worthy of connection with a loved one. To mention this very experience grieves my soul, however the antidote to this shame is empathy. I feel for the pain the person carried who said that their own not enough and who do they think they are. Those later words who do you think you are seem to echo in the recesses of my memory where more shame showed up in my adult years. 

Up until that eventful day of reckoning, and even today as I write,  I have spent the last 40 years trying to understand the pain I felt. A pain that is very real. It made sense as to why I have always wondered where I belonged and why I felt different, not in a good way, but in a very dark imperfect, why am I here way. I believe as Brene Brown describes it best: 

  [...] “Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love, belonging, and connection.”  

Shame is a part of life and can show up on a daily basis - appearance, body image, mental and physical health to name a few. Understanding the role shame has and their bed partners such as guilt will unfold a new way of thinking. What I have cultivated about shame and guilt has come about through being a student of lifelong learning. That initial blow of greater enlightenment forged a rush of emotion that I instinctively want to know more about. There is a difference between and shame and guilt, with the help of Brene Brown and other shame researchers and emotion researchers, it can be explained in the most effective way as:

"Shame is “I am bad;” guilt is “I did something bad. [...]  Shame is a focus on self, guilt is a focus on behavior. Shame is "I am bad."  Guilt is "I did something bad." 

The programmed behavior behind shame, you know those tapes "never good enough" --  and as I heard these words that wonderful day of learning ...

[...] , if you can talk it out of that one, "who do you think you are?"  Guilt: I'm sorry. I made a mistake. Shame: I'm sorry. I am a mistake.

Internal conversations or tapes were very much about never good enough and who do you think you are. It was a daily struggle that I was committed to discover the  truth about. Honestly, it plagued me to the core of my very soul and no matter how hard I tried, there was not much that worked until  ... Until I found Brene Brown's TED talks.

Talks that helped me to understand the difference between shame and guilt, and how I could change those internal messages and conversations. To be aware, you need a sense of awareness. I was aware of the "who do you think you are," but didn't know the why. This information became a catalyst for greater change, self-love and identifying the emotion that was holding me captive for a number of years now. My resilience grew as I ingratiated myself with an abundance of self-love and conversations that gave a loving answer filled with hope, joy, and support. I really had to dig deep to find love for who I was, who I thought I was because thoughts are things and there is an energy that is derived from your very thoughts. 

 My answer to "who do you think you are:" is this as I round out this post:

I am Michelle. I think and believe that God from the very moment I took my first breath as a preemie, sent me here to experience many things. Those things grew unwavering compassion, understanding, love, acceptance, and forgiveness as soulful responders to life challenges. I know that I have been tested in this life not to fail but to learn and grow in each step. I am here to be an inspiration sharing my seasoned wisdom through the written word, my voice and etheric art. I think that my life has meaning and purpose - of my choosing.

I no longer think who I am, instead I have come to know I am a gifted, powerful writer, who sees words as a  place to receive a vision possible, share a story from the heart (courage) and being authentically true to yourself with an honest vulnerability.  Most of all I am loveable, I am resilient, strong, capable, understanding and wise.

As a final note - grab a pen, paper and find quiet space - take some time to answer the question - "Who do you think you are?" at first it may be negative and challenging to look through that lens. 

Throw away those writings that do not serve you or share light about you.  It may take several attempts.  During each self-interaction - Breath deeply, believe in yourself, sprinkle loads of love, self truth in that writing and discover you. Remember if there is shame, the antidote is empathy.  Know that your brilliance is waiting to find you.  

Looking Forward

Dear Soul ...

We all have moments where we find space to think things through often precipitated by a random thought and no competing needs. You know those quiet moments, before you start your day and you quietly lay in bed deciding if you should get up or slip back into the warmth of more silent slumber.

I had such a moment over the holidays where I allowed my mind to wander to see what it would bring me in self-understanding and realization as I reflected. Self-reflection is good for the soul, you either keep or let go of what you see and feel, and it is a great way to be mindful, housekeeping.

On this particular Saturday morning as I meandered through the quagmire of my mind, I came to realize some significant happenings - learning albeit brief as far as posts go, in some small and simple way, you will find what you are seeking.

I have been battling cancer for two years now and with that journey there is much to learn, a quandary of things that you do not know that you do not know and the stuff you are told. If feel these can either be deterrents to finding a more positive space or life lessons. Often, I felt lost not knowing what to do so I put my student of life hat on to discover greater knowledge.

In my roaming thoughts this is what I found - a profound question.

How do you look forward to life after such a difficult challenge that brings with it new paths and new discoveries?

Deep from such a quiet Saturday morning waltz through my mind and incredibly significant to current circumstances. This question is not just applicable to those who may be experiencing cancer, it is for all of us who have found ourselves experiencing life in such a morose, cranky, ill-tempered, sullen, and difficult way. How do you find the impetus to keep going, to enjoy?

The answer seemed to waffle through my mind like a gentle breeze, it was clear and understandable.

Find gratitude - I express my deepest encouragement to record gratitude as a meaningful moment that matters. We are not just talking about saying, I am grateful for my car, my job, my house. Yes, that matters, however truly find the power of gratitude requires digging deep. Let me share an example:  "I am grateful for my life and the challenges I have faced that have brought me the gift of who I am today."

 

Live - Live life to the fullest the best you can everyday making a difference to you first. Accept that there may be limits related to health, career, and responsibilities, however you get to adapt life your way around those limits you cannot control. To live is to feel alive in the moment creating opportunities in the now to be very present to what is in front of you with exuberance. An energy that can sustain you. Remember this, know that who you are is how you live life.

This life we live is a social experiment about experience where we search for pleasure, comfort, and entertainment when really what we need is connection, harmony, likeness, purpose, and acceptance. At the root of our relationship with trees are our experiences that will either blossom into a oneness with another or create a weed or two in our life garden.

As you nurture  your light within yourself and those valuable roots, your soul garden can thrive even in the greatest of storms. All you have to do is look around you after a storm and see what you see standing - a mighty tree who tends to be roots ensuring there is strength and nourishment there. Your soul fortifying fertilizers are  SELF - See - Engage - Life Force - compassion, forgiveness, faith/belief, understanding and acceptance.

In all that I have experienced, fear has been a catalyst to render me incapable of seeing my potential. I have been blinded, frozen in mid step by the mists of a great darkness that can engulf your mind and keep you ensnared for minutes, hours, day and even weeks. Music and the written word were my key to freeing me from such dark bondage. The words that ironically freed me and brought to the surface by the universe were those of Nelson Mandela. He said, "May your choices reflect your hopes and not your fears." 

Be fully aware of the lens in which you live life - full alive or afraid.  You have within you just as I discovered to disperse that mist and move into the light by your choosing, knowing that it is a work in progress. We are each a work in progress - imperfectly perfect.

I am grateful to each of you for taking time to share a moment or two with me. May you have wings of flight to move through and above the noise of life and find the richness of who you are grounded in good soil with an abundance of gifts yet to spring from the roots of who you are.

A Letter To Myself -2024 A New Beginning

Dear Michelle ...

In all your hardships, challenges and life experience writing has been your tool to see you. With a year coming to a close, I hope unlike any other year that you see who you have become and are becoming, have achieved and lived into with much gratitude in your heart. Indeed that you my have a deep knowing that you have inspired many through your words and action as you battled through the remnants of stage three breast cancer, to continue working through the next stages of that journey.

A journey that has been the very test of your mettle, your heart, your soul strength.  A space of new discoveries and learning. Learning that for moments you doubted, what you understood as truth, as divine understanding given as a gift to propel you through.

Getting through 2023 had been your hallmark because in the through you have found joy, hope, new strengths, courage and a great light of who you are. Along with that light there was darkness that tested your truth, your capacity and capabilities and yet here you are today, with an aptitude of gratitude discovering connection, wisdom and a filled cup in the most unlikely of places each and every day by sharing your truths. 

You have felt the tinge of fear and long suffering as your body adjusted to the reality of the after affects of your cancer treatment. The new normal brought an opportunity to grow again through those inner passages of negative self talk, frustration and unexpected darkness.  These you knew, although at times would not acknowledge were  sign posts driven from your diagnosis. Ignorance for you was not bliss, however being a student of life drove you to find greater understanding for conversations with those familiar with the cancer plight.

I am so proud that you found your voice, that you sought to grow through being silent. I am proud that you keep working at finding new coping skills on your cancer journey.  The most relatable for you is writing with new levels of creativity showing up.  I  applaud you for sharing your story this year in the Imperfectly Perfect Campaign Vol 1.  I shed tears thinking about the monumental task it took to put the words to paper in the right frame, so others can experience you.  Well done - - hold on to that with all you have.

As you step into 2024 I know you will explore and magnify your soul through the written word, leaving no conversation or stone unturned.  This will be your expression of every day experiences as you reach toward your goal of 365 days of writing .  I have heard you express that no longer will you linger in the shadows of fear that leave you lifeless and alone.  That when music and words are found, you will muster strength courage to use your voice with words so others can hear the song of your story everyday.

I commend your bravery in the wilderness of life, taking hold of every ounce of faith God and trust in yourself so many can "Read all About it" till your words ring out and shout unapologetically soulfully being you have said all that you are inspired to say,  I know you will listen to the whispers that come so the gift that follows will fill space  soul heart and mind for others.

In all your imperfectly perfectness, I know you are at a place to be honest, authentic and true to you. With those words I will wish you the best, the strength the courage to keep going when you have not strength. That you will connect to music that moves your soul and fills you up every wit.  This is your season, without reason to share a life journey, determined to leave a footprint of writing, your voice and art.  

This life is yours to live and that each moment is something you have an opportunity to make meaningful moments that matter. As I close out this letter, I send my love, my appreciation.  It is my hope and call to action  that you will return to this letter often to remind you who you have become and that there is more of you to grow and learn about. I add some wisdom - in a meme you shared, remember this
- May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears. I add to this ... May your hopes be energized by the knowing that you are a beautiful soul filled with light, love and wisdom.  Trust what you know, find the quiet and return inward to that place you are familiar with that brings you the answers, the perspective, the instinct, intuition and divine guidance.

Divine Imagination a Motivator For Good to Change Lives

 

Some 50 years ago at about 7 years of age, I wondered to myself what life would be like when I turned 50.  It was unfathomable back then to begin to understand what the year 2016 would hold for me. That seemed like a century in time.  My childlike imagining at seven hoped for flying cars, skyways where the real-life Jetson’s existed and the space time continuum enabled us to in a blink of an eye, like Star Trek be transported across the wide expanse of the world to wherever we wanted to go.

Fast forward to 2016, my life was nothing like what I had imagined as it was a year of great loss. However, with one exception, that childlike imagination of wanting to journey to the great beyond of America came true because in 1986 many years earlier I arrived in the United States.  What was awaiting me I did not know, with childlike excitement the thought of Disneyland, Hollywood - walking those hallowed streets paved with the hands and feet of the silver screens veteran actors and actresses was going to be a thrilling experience.

This thrilling excitement was a derivative of Saturday afternoons growing up.  After the chores and before dinner meant nostalgic black and white movies from yester year were watched keenly.  The likes of  Gregory Peck, William Holden, Olivia De Havilland, John Wayne, Betty Davis, Doris Day, Lauren Becall, Frank Sinatra, Sammy Davis, Dean Martin, Fred Astaire, Ginger Rogers, Marilyn Monroe, Gene Kelly, Grace Kelly, Audrey Hepburn, Katherine Hepburn to name a few were flashed on the screen on Saturday, one week at a time over a lifetime.  Eyes glued to the awe of the early days of Hollywood.  I recall being mesmerized by Singing in the Rain and wanting to learn to tap dance.  When it rained, I would hum the tune and find a happiness in the rain, the tap, tap, tapping of my feet splashing in the water.  The splendid imagining of LIGHTS, CAMERA AND ACTION.

Over the years I have created my own visual Life Autobiography filled with instances of lights, camera and action.  The light was my learning, my knowledge currency, while the camera was the lens of my perspective. Understanding and vision for greater things.  Action, well that speaks for itself as long as you put what you learn into fruition. Action is a verb to create motions, movement, enable a motivation to achieve and engage in the possibilities.

Goals and achievements take tenacity, practice, hard work and commitment.  As  child didn’t worry about commitment, my impetus was doing what I love.  Certainly, there were times I pulled the “Do I have to card,”  only because I wanted to for a moment go play like the other kids.  I think I knew if I didn’t act, I could not improve in my music or dance lessons.  Finding joy and gratitude in those activities was essential.  When I changed my focus, in time my joy increased.  Periodically that imagination would show up to push me to work harder for a dream, a hope to become.

To become, those words sifted in and out of my life frequently – what do you want to become when you grow up. Some of those answers then were an Airline Hostess for Air New Zealand, a professional dancer, a writer like Ernest Hemmingway, a traveler of the world and an artist.  We have all heard those words that these are foolish thinking, and we need to follow something reliable and safe as a profession. This socialization of putting aside ones dreams, hopes and passions for something stable doesn’t teach up to explore the possibilities – we just settle.   I know that I have always dreamed big or wildly. A gift to myself a divine imagination that ran away with itself.

I allowed it in secret, I allowed it in moment of extreme need to push me past the doldrums of life and depression. Obviously, my feet were firmly planted on the ground, in times where inspiration was needed, imagination carried me as a great motivator of possibilities.  Some of my best expressions of art or writing came from those initial imaginations, where exuberance of life and excitement left my heart full of hope and ready to activate, convert if you will an energy glow into something beyond imagination.

In my junior year at Brigham Young University, Idaho, in a humanities class, I discovered Dr Randy Pausch and his last lecture.  On my journey to write this blog, I remembered his words, humor and enthusiasm for life despite being ill.  His objective was not just to give a lecture, but to leave a legacy for his children and those that would follow.  To dream, to imagine the possible takes heart and not to give up on where you want to go in life.

Randy Pausch said it well in his “Last Lecture, . […] “Give yourself permission to dream never lose that childlike wonder,  it’s just too important, it’s what drives us. “  His lecture was a culmination of life defining moments of a child’s dream and imagination of that dream.  All were realized and that is important, however the greater importance is living your life to the fullest.  His last lecture was truly his last lecture as he was diagnosed with terminal cancer.  I found his story ratified the lens I saw life through.

Dream Big, turn stumbling blocks into steppingstones, make every moment count, light the path of others and champion their accomplishments, dreams and passions.   I appreciated Dr Pausch’s perspective on roadblocks and brick walls,  “The brick walls are there to see how badly you want your goal.”  It made me think how much I was willing to wholly give of myself with transparency, honesty, ownership, gratitude and time to reach my dreams, my goals.

Would I be willing to live life fully even if I was ill and time was running out.  The answer is clear, yes, I would because much like Dr Pausch, being sad because of cancer brings no meaning to those around you and with all you have left living life with zest and enthusiasm is a much greater gift.  Greeting each day with a sense of empowerment and dreaming of, using my divine imagination to be well, to see that end goal of warms soft sand and ocean waves kept me one step closer.  Like those brick walls Dr Pausch mentioned, I found them, discovered a way to get around and through them with purpose. Again, anchored in a vision, a dream a hope of at the end of my treatment, I would be on that beach.

I could not give anyone permission to take that dream, that hope, that vision away for me.  It had a sustaining purpose.  The purpose to get through chemo and radiation so that I could stand with gratitude share my story, my first, not my last of many lectures, podcasts, and articles.

Post Script (P. S.)

My dreams have come true, I have travelled outside of New Zealand, living in the United States for over 30 years.  In 2024 I will be a published author and I have my own radio show that I am building to inspire and share my story to change the lives of others.  I have developed my writing skills as a ghostwriter for a large global campaign, Imperfectly Perfect Campaign.   Most of all I am grateful to all my friends who along the way believed in me, stood with me through those life challenges and cheered me on to keep going.  This was not a journey I travelled alone.  All is possible if we choose to believe in those small sparks the ignite a fire within.  I love my life and living it ALIVE every day.

From Ashes there is Light and Love

This is a walk in my daily space where I learn, grow, experience and live into life.  

There is an idiom that states, " You are what you eat."  In the age of technology and media consumption, a wise sage taught me, " We are what we consume our time, energy and gifts on."

In my journey through cancer treatments that became a very real part of my treatment strategy. Cancer for me was not a death sentence, but rather a discovery of more than what I was already made of.

This means, am I made of the gifts of life that brought me resilience,  strength, courage,  go get it attitude to live each moment fully. OR the cancer is me and owns my life. I decided that my choice was to embrace each stumbling block, moments that were gut wrenching so that I may embrace, accept and learn in order that they may be turned into stepping stones, anchors and opportunities to Live, laugh and love.

Being mindful of what I watched, read and took in as energy was vital to my soul heart treatment plan. Participating in activities that lifted me above the noise, the pain, the negative mindset, and the diagnosis brought me to a greater sense of capacity.  Those activities that were thread through my treatment plan were, listening to music and the spoken word, painting, sketching, writing and reading books where I learned new coping skills or as I like to say em-power-moments (EMPOWERMENT).

Equally important and essentially not just because of my cancer but a life truth is to surround yourself  with those who are a positive influence, a champion of you, rather than nourish  dis ease. That isn't a spelling error. Illness or disease create dis ease an uncomfortable sense of unlike where we dis life with ease instead of living into hope and what is present now.

We are truly stronger than we know, I can attest to that for in the moments, when I had not strength,  courage or the wherewithal, I found me, motivated exuberance to live and not give up. 

This is my moment after chemo, after radiation rising to a moment with grand realization that I had made it to the end. My goal was to take a picture to celebrate the benchmark, the affirmation of a goal reached instead, I am fighting back the tears.  Exhausted, consumed in pain, in the end I summoned a smile because in truth I had walked my path being appreciative of every step. 

I had decided to live every footstep with purpose not knowing what to expect. It was the hardest moment of my life and everything  I had experienced up until now was at play. Finding a place to keep learning brought me to know that to grow through this I chose to learn with mindful awareness. My life literally depended on it and so does your even without cancer. You reap what you sow, so let's consume and LEARN with mindful awareness those things that harness the good to great inside of you.

I smile because I am happy, happy to choose a path although at times challenging, it is the best choice for my education from life.  Life that gives me experience, experience that shows me wisdom and love for myself in great abundance.  As I listened to Harry Styles Song Music for  Sushi Restaurant, there is a phase and melody that sends my heart into a space of joy and enrapture.  The words are ... Its cause I love you babe in every kind of way.  My vision of myself in the mirror is very different these days.  There are moments that I live into expectations of others however, the key to move from that is living into loving myself in every kind of way and that I am here, now created already enough, being enough on my own terms, how I want to fit into my self.  I smile because I am stronger, I am Michelle Lange and I love who  I be. 

Surrender 2022 and Welcome the Anthem of You.

I started writing this blog in May of 2021 and now it is fueled in part by the song, Surrender by Natalie Taylor. I was watching a post on my Facebook page and the background music was playing. As I watched the animation on the screen that depicted two people sharing hope, love, and celebration of each other through life experiences, I heard the word Surrender.

I listened closely to the words - Whenever you are ready, whenever you are ready. My heart felt a moment and this time, unlike times of past, I did not try to stop what I felt. In that moment watching this silhouette depiction, I knew the sense of surrendering. Surrendering to myself, to who I am and realizing as I gazed in that smokey looking moisture filled mirror there I was, without comfort, entertainment, and pleasure, alone with myself. What did I see, I saw the scars of life, reminders of my journey in literal and figurative terms. Natalie's words speak of being ready, I was not, but somehow, I knew with tears streaming down my face, bald, thin faced, no eyebrows, there I was. Amidst chemo treatment, I was at the mercy of my body, my soul, and my life. Only me could make those precious earnest steps to move past or into this moment fully.

Fully collapsing and allowing myself to feel all that arrived in that moment. Shame, guilt, negative thought patterns from old programming, unlove. Can I surrender? Yes, I can, yes I will because in that every minute of time that felt like an eternity, God, my Heavenly Father, my higher power was my courage to get vulnerable. He and only he had been waiting for that moment, waiting patiently, nudging me forward, "Whenever you are ready. Whenever you are ready, I am here for you. "

For me, but I am not of any such significance. Yet in the seconds that flashed, afterwards, in the deep dark recesses of my mind as memories flooded, I knew, soulfully knew that this was an untruth I was thinking. I cried, asking where you are, can you give me strength to surrender to this moment where I need to face a truth, haunting truths I am unwilling to see. I have been finding my way back to you, hoping my love for good would bring me back to that place to see.

In that mirror as I brush the mist of moisture away, I saw, a woman who had tread the winepress of life, sometimes making sour grapes, while others a full vibrant fragrance of the sweetness of life. You see one of my truths that day was, admitting that I had made a choice to stay in an abusive relationship, where each time I empowered myself, the voice of reason would convince me I was less than, to which with all my religious beliefs then I acquiesced to the story told. The trigger for deep emotional rising was, due to the visual realization that the scar, on my head, now visible due to baldness from chemo was real and much larger than I was willing to remember or accept. I was hiding from my truth, ashamed, and that everyone would discover that I was everything, that had been told to believe about me.

Flashed of images and time passed across my mind and face bringing me gently back to the present. Flowing freely, were tears, I surrendered to my truth, crumbling to the floor in that bathroom, hoping no one would hear me, but God did. There was a sweet gift that was going to be given me amidst this emotional turmoil. That gift was gratitude and the realization that my cancer was not about being physically ill, it was about emotional, mental spiritual healing. On that cold floor, I said, I surrender to you my God, trusting that no longer will I have to survive in every sense. It was time to live even though my body was dying from cancer and treatments. I surrender, my fear, my mistakes, my in action, all that I am and am not to you. In return, I ask for guidance to see the good in who I am, to find the truth to heal from these scars of hurt where I stopped loving me, speaking up for me and believing I was nothing of significance to you or anyone else. 

In that barrage of grief, pain, and suffering, I had to choose to surrender to myself and love who I was despite the negative programing that I chose to believe. Instead of being a whenever you are ready, it was I am ready. I am ready to stop hurting and start to fully live. Live freely, authentically as myself, without labels, conditions or unlove. Raising the level of energy within myself was the beginning. To get brave and have courage that through this moment brough about by a cancer diagnosis, I could just as other time be brave and get back up. The question was no longer can I surrender, it was a statement, declaration I am surrendering my old self and with courage I am willing to show up authentically as myself and be seen where I am.To be brave everyday knowing that I may get hurt on this journey and with a constancy of resilience get back up.

Getting back up means having gratitude for the challenges that bring life changing lessons where absolute vulnerability is required. I had to get clear with myself, my principles, values and needs. Paint a reasonable, soulful picture where no longer my vulnerability was diminished as unnecessary, unacceptable emotion. Rising from that cold, damp floor, I stood looking at the mirror resolute, knowing with a tremendous about of certainty that my journey was so much more that cancer.

In recent months since that moment, I have come to find it a great blessing to surrender to myself, to who I am, to life and to be vulnerable. To surrender takes much more courage and strength to do and in it there is a gift of as Brene Brown says, "soften into joy."  Get present to Love Joy and belonging because when those things are absent, we become cold to vulnerability, we shut the valve off to feel. Feel whole heartedly.

Vulnerability encapsulates our daily lives and is essential to wholehearted living. It is the barometer and accurate measure for the temperament of courage. Joy and gratitude are coupled together they are powerful fuel and catalysts for fuel when rubber meets the dirt and life get ugly. We are all built to create. As we create joyful memories with gratitude we are building reservoirs that can fill our souls with hope and light during darkness. 

Surrender those moments and people in your life that no longer serve what you seek, the principle that govern your life. We can forgive; however, we do not need to continue in those places where light, love, upliftment does not serve our wellbeing. We have an opportunity to find the center with ourselves and believe with all our might, trusting that the foundation beneath us is strong.

Foundations are found in how you fill your bucket up, the bucket of you. My self-expression is writing and art. With all I have, this sense of being creates shear vulnerability, clarity, learning and understanding. To you, I share the writing of my soul anthem ... an affirmation of experience of who I have become and becoming

I am strength when you are spent.
I am faith when you need belief to see who you are.
I am the kindness when you need a hand to guide and care.
I am the friend who listens when no one hears you.
I am courage, allowing vulnerability to show up and be present letting the feeling in.
I am here living life from divine imagination where all things are possible.

I am all I need to be now and that is enough because with God, Divine Source, which ever that higher power is to you, we are all enough in his eyes.

 I am grateful for every life lesson that teaches me what I need to know soulfully.

I am the whisper of compassion when life gets dark with loss, having walked that road may times and understand others journey.

With grace and gratitude, I surrendered my freedom of singularity, empty nest to welcome the presence of a child who needed love, summers of hope, joy, care and understanding with an open soul, heart, and mind; only to find a greater energy.

I AM is my mantra to be do and have the energy and light to be a beacon of my truths, where vulnerable spirituality is my sanctuary first.

Find you, find your I AM's. Start your 2023 and make a list of who you are with all the divine imagination you can muster. I know it is in there you just have to say YES to YOU.