A Road Less Travelled .. I started this Blog back in June 2021, not knowing what the future would hold for me. Terribly optimistic about life as always, appreciated and seeking knowledge to help me understand the concept of belonging. It is now almost November and I have found where I belong.
The discovery, the answer is found in this expression of writing but before I continue, may I say this as it just occurred to me. It was said by Alexander Pope, "To Err is human but to forgive is divine. For a moment, may I indulge further on this thinking. If to be human, is a moment, where we are the epitome of mistakes (ERR), certainly this would constitute an admission of being imperfectly perfect. Hence, that being the case, the most divine action we can take would be to love ourselves despite our ERR and imperfectly perfect. Is that not a soul centered truth we ought to follow every moment of our lives.
Fast forward to 2022 and this truth, to give ourselves, love, acceptance, compassion, forgiveness and to seek vulnerability within oneself first in all our imperfectly perfectness is front and center, present every day. Why would such a group of soulful be-attitudes of returning to self be so pronounced. An opportunity had arrived which capitulated every life event I had grown from into one seemly small moment that grew into a massive life change. A vision of life, my life passing before me a late September morning as I was diagnosed with breast cancer,
In that stillness of time like a inch by inch moving glacier, I stood with family and friends mustering grace, hope, compassion and love, not for myself but for them. As the realization set in through the many free flowing tears, the look of fear and dread gripped their faces, You know your impact on life and the life of others you had in times and spaces such as these. Their emotion was an indication of the thought of loss and how they held space for you in their life. where you belonged. It is true that it isnt the riches or things you accumulate, but how you make others feel and touch their life. In the immediate aftermath of being diagnosed with Stage 2 Cancer, which later changed to Stage 3, you can see and feel how you being you belongs in the lives of those you love or have loved.
Belonging since I began this blog draft over a year ago has taken a very different definition for me because over the course of the months since that first diagnosis I have been gifted with many opportunities to learn and grow. One cannot possibly imagine the beauty that comes from such a life changing diagnosis. I didn't initially in the moment, however, my ethos and practice has been over the years is to kneel before my God and surrender myself to him asking what is that you want me to learn from this journey and how can I serve and share with others the gifts that arrive?
Cancer treatment isnt just about a physical manifestation of illness, it is an opportunity to create receiving treatments to enable families. friends. faith, love and communities to come together. This is my journey of healing mind, heart, body, soul, and most of all to anchor into belonging to myself. To speak up, speak out, surrender my truths and take care of me with every ounce of vulnerability. I learned recently even as incredibly strong as I am, the greatest strength, not weakness is to be vulnerable with yourself first.
Lets finish this out on this note and go back to that day I was diagnosed with cancer. A room filled with my best friend, my daughter and medical professionals. There was much sadness in that vulnerable moment where a child realizes she may loose her mother and a best friend her dear friend what does one do. By default it is easy for me to give to others. I found strength and courage to put aside myself and gave to those who needed support - offer a gentle hug, a whisper of I love you along with a declaration of I got this and we will figure this out.
When we spend a greater portion of our adult lives giving to others, the biggest opportunity will eventually arrive where we will learn the art of self care and receiving. This I know to be true because that is part of my story. I belong where ever I choose and without a doubt to mine own self first. None other can tread the winepress of life like me. A deep knowing allows me to understand like many of you reading this that I have always been uniquely equipped to traverse this station in live being enough, having all I need to be the best version of myself. With all I have, and all I am now, I am grateful every day for my relationship with God, myself and life.
