Responding

Dear Soul ...

Today has been a different day. Amidst day-to-day life and work a discovery of music, learning and self-understanding,  and parenting challenges with my daughter who has special circumstances and needs extra help, love, and support showed up. As these words are being typed, there is a realization that the day is much the same as usual, only my response to changes and challenges is different. Response rather than reaction. What is the difference?

The difference being – a reaction is emotionally based and is grown from past hard experiences we grew into behaviorally, not necessarily of our choosing, to survive the ugly or that we saw what we went through was normal. Conditioned behavior based on circumstances and environment. It is like learning what is hot or cold. We know that rats, monkey’s, and dogs can be trained to have conditioned responses – like Pavlov’s dog. We do the same through our own encounters,  learn from those that teach us, and from what we see. Like sponges we soak it up and parts of our sponges are darkened by what we suffer through.

Decisions can be made once we have an awareness to change how we react, much respond. Reacting is a catalyst like a chemical explosion. We gain self -understanding when we ask ourselves the right questions – why do I cry? why am I afraid, what do I seek and want? Who am I? Where am I in my life cycle? How can I change what I do? Sometimes we may not know the answers to these questions and need to seek answers from other sources. For some it may mean making some serious decisions about who does not get to remain in their lives due to toxicity, while others are faced with less complicated choices. Choices determine how we show up in any given situation.

What I am about to say may not make any sense, however for me it did as I searched. I wanted to learn to respond from a place  that comes from an honest heart, which was willing to change. I knew the benefits of change would enable that flicker of a flame within me to grow rather than allowing something or someone to snuff it out. Truthfully, I didn’t want to continue to snuff out my light and just let it smolder amongst ashes of the hurt anymore. Hurt begins to tell on you inside your body and if having cancer was an indicator, well you know the rest of that thought – toxic.

It was important that I found a greater purpose within myself and accept that healing was part of my journey at every stage of life  no matter how young or old I was. No longer did I want that inner turmoil to bubble up like a tornado or volcano. I am more than my hurt and I have always known that. Experience refines us not defines us. Our identity is not our scars. Our scars are our gifts of greater love and learning. Who I was becoming and would become as I spent time nurturing myself was no longer negotiable on any terms, not even for myself.

To have love, light and personal empowerment takes giving yourself those nurturing gifts, including celebrating monumental achievements. The latter is something that I am working on and that was realized today in a session with my therapist.

You see my state of mind during these last ten to twelve months of treatment have added new insights - a risk for depression due to the biological hormone changes because of the 5-year pill – hormone blockers that lower estrogen levels. Early signals, familiar emotional changes akin to being pregnant were the red flags. Crying at a drop of a hat, moody, agitated, out of sorts, sad and for me at times depressed.

Again how do I want to respond or react to these life changes – to nurture myself soul heart and mind is my response. Sourcing new information and enlightenment provided a channel to govern transformation. I felt certain this method would create new undiscovered discernments and my intuition was right.

Can you see how we respond rather than react makes all the difference? We get clarity by responding whereas reacting leaves  us stuck in the quagmire of our past behaviors and hurts that will surface as we experience life. I have found a safe space within me to build upon myself with love, peace, and calm.

As I close out this post today, I want to keep my commitment to myself and to my therapist and nurture within me a greater capacity to celebrate a huge achievement which will remain that way throughout my life. 

With fresh courage, with all I have and a deep breath, this soul centered woman, ME, got vulnerable and shared part of her life story in a  chapter for the Imperfectly Perfect Campaign Volume 1 book  – The stories you have been waiting to hear. This is the inaugural first volume with twenty-one authors, celebrities and everyday people who have overcome life challenges, including mental health diagnosis. An anthology of inspiring stories you will want to read.

I must say that I am blown away, considering what I was going through at the time – recovering from cancer treatment that I mustered all my courage to say Yes. I was determined not to give up and through it all I owned every word I typed. Before you say it, yes this is a little free advertising and why not, the rule of engagement is that I beat to the rhythm of my own drum and algorithm. Afterall it’s a once in a lifetime celebration for me. 

Let me celebrate Rapunzel style - I DID IT – I GOT OUT OF THE TOWER AND I CONTRIBUTED AS A CO AUTHER IN A BOOK. NO MOTHER GOTHEL ( THE NAY SAYERS AND THOSE THAT WANT TO KEEP ME SMALL).

It was me breathing in life and choosing to thrive. Throughout today I chose to respond in a way that my soul languages were present, - I found that sharing a little more love, being patient, showing understanding and forgiveness followed by kindness created harmony within myself and those I interacted with.

I encourage to you think before you react.  Think about how your reaction or response will affect others.  Find space that brings harmony to your life and those that surround you. Responding is easier on your soul than reaction. Remember your energy is precious, don’t give it away to those who are not kind to it. Keep being brilliantly you because there is no other version in all the universe quite like you or will there ever be. You get to live life fully your way.

 

P. S.

Here are the links to pre-order a copy of the Imperfectly Perfect Campaign Book.

Imperfectly Perfect Campaign: The Stories You Have Been Waiting To Hear by Glenn Marsden, Paperback | Barnes & Noble® (barnesandnoble.com)

 Imperfectly Perfect Campaign: The Stories You Have Been Waiting To Hear (Paperback) - Walmart.com